More to Love

August 5, 2009

Interesting conversation on polyamory going on at my home-away-from-home, and while I don’t feel strongly enough to take active part, I had to mildly observe that I don’t think most people are capable of it. I’m certainly not capable– I think I’m too intense–I invest so much of myself in my relationships that even having a best friend and a boyfriend strains me. Adding in the fraught relationship I have with Leila’s father causes me to be a bit of a mess. Each of those relationships takes so much time, effort, and energy to sustain that I sometimes forget to invest energy in myself. And those are just my adult relationships–not even counting my daughter, who sucks up almost every bit of mindspace available and a little bit that isn’t.

I know that’s just me, and not everyone, but most of the people I know invest similar energy in their relationships. I just don’t think most people have the energy to devote to more than one or two people. I see people make the comparison between parenthood and polyamory but we’re hardwired to feel the bonds with our children…we are not hardwired to feel those bonds with other random humans who show up. Even when we feel a connection, relationships take hard work.

Why am I soapboxing? If it makes you happy and it doesn’t harm others, it doesn’t matter, does it? Some people think I’m crazy for trying to have a good relationship with Leila’s father even after our divorce. I can’t look at other relationships as crazy when mine are unorthodox, to say the least.


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