August 12, 2013

People have never believed me when I say I’ve worked in retail for almost 15 years.” You’re not old enough!” they like to exclaim, which has always annoyed me a bit. Am I so pathetic I’d lie about the length of time I’ve been in retail? Really? I started in high school and never stopped until now, when I’ve decided to let go of my safety blanket and stay at home with Leila, which is sad and thrilling and terrifying all at once.

I am terrified of The Smirk. You know The Smirk. If you work outside the home you’ve probably given it; if you are a stay at home mom you’ve gotten it. The smirk means–“You stay at home and eat bon-bons all day. You don’t understand my tortured life of blue screens and shitty bosses. You don’t understand how good the hair of the girl in the cubicle next door smells and HOLY BEJEEZUS YOUR CHILD JUST BARFED.”

I will punch you in your face if you give you give me The Smirk, bitches–I put in my time.

I have big plans, but you, dear readers, know I always have big plans. My daughter ALSO has big plans and those big plans might be a little more likely to come to fruition as she is one pesky little buttface.


We shall see what we shall see, but I vow to try to brush the cobwebs off this place more often.


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